I fondly remember working 14-16 hour days for months at a time leading up to annual meetings and 18 hour days for a week while assisting on-site. There were moments I'd be one of the only people left in the office at 11 p.m. putting the final touches on documents to send to the printer by morning. Others had to leave early to take care of families and get ready for the next day. I couldn't imagine having to go home and worry about children too.
One night, my boss said to me, "I used to think just like you but then I had kids." She then added on the infamous cliché, "You'll see, just mark my words!". I was adamant; nope, that wouldn't be me.
But only 2 short years later, it was.
I didn't immediately feel the effects of parenthood until I returned from maternity leave and got back into the swing of things. I thought I had everything under control until I didn't. Waking up at 5 a.m. to drop my son off at the child care center by 6 a.m., on the road by 6:30 a.m., a lengthy commute and in to work by 9 a.m.
By the time I arrived at work, I was exhausted and hardly ready for a morning production schedule meeting. Those meetings were the worst. My mind would be all over the map and I'd break out in hives just pondering different scenarios that could go wrong that day.
**
Did I merge the Speaker Letter correctly?I hope the child care center doesn't call me...
How many times is she going to edit my session descriptions?
God, I hope the child care center doesn't call me...
Why is my name added to that task, don't I do enough around this place?!
Last time they called me because he pee'd on the playground. For crying out loud he learned it while camping!!
Wait, what is that smell? Is it me? OMG, I must have left these clothes in the washing machine too long. I wonder if anyone else notices?
Am I crying? What. In. The. World.
**
I was an exhausted, miserable wreck, not to mention that with all of the politics happening in the office it was close to impossible to get promoted. My blood, sweat and literal tears had to have been for something right? No, apparently not.
When the promotion didn't happen, I decided to leave. It was only then that they offered to promote me. I declined and took a similar position on the education/content side where I didn't have to do much if any traveling and the hours were manageable. The flexibility was great, the people were amazing, the job was fine but...
"But what?", my husband asked. "I need to find another job, I can't do this." He was floored at my admission after only 3 months on the job. Ultimately he wanted me to find happiness in my career which meant any job that was event related would probably require travel which in turn would place a bigger burden on him at home.
I actually MISSED staying up late to meet a deadline, the travel, the planner pounds that crept up silently while having every meeting and pre-con over a meal! I felt selfish for wanting it; yes, I did. I was almost 30, in the prime of my life and my planner friends were jet-setting while I was combing the internet for articles on "3 year old bed-wetting". I stayed put for a while though, I pushed my "need for speed" down to the pit of my soul and waited until the right time and opportunity came along.
I never got any sleep because I was up all night checking to make sure my son was breathing...because you know, reading things on the internet will make you feel like the world can come tumbling down around you at any minute, so you have to cherish every moment. When I wasn't up at night, I was sleeping during the day...in my car on my lunch break. There were some trips and site visits I couldn't attend when my son developed a case of bronchitis and my husband had to attend a week long conference away. My husband expertly prepared microwaved dinners during the few times we both had to work late and because a picky eater only likes nuggets and "maconi and teese" in a bowl. I started doubting my desire to get back into a Meetings Department and on the road.
My husband and I found a happy medium when he started telecommuting more and I received a job offer to plan government meetings for a contracting firm. The travel was limited to local venues and I received a lot of experience providing direct client support. It was quite a change from the world of association members, annual meetings, and volunteers but the basic planning principals were still the same. It was the best of both worlds.
Then a funny thing happened on the way to finding my Zen. Surprise! It's a girl!
Fast forward to 6 years later. I'm still planning government meetings and very happy with my career and goals I've set for myself. I travel locally and regionally. As our support expands to other projects I'm sure the travel and duration will increase, though I don't have the same worries as my kids grow older and gain self-sufficiency. I don't know what the future holds, but today I'm in a good place and thankful for the supportive network of people in my life.
How do I balance my work and home life? Here are some things that have helped me along the way and may help you should you decide to continue working full time in this industry while raising a family.
1. Don't Suffer from an Identity Crisis - You're a parent now, but you weren't always. Never forget that you are "Connor's mom/dad" AND a professional. You still have a career and you have to tackle each project and event with the same passion as parenting. The event is your baby at work. In fact, planning an event is a lot like raising a child. From conception on - you create, develop, nourish, stay up all night, make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. In the end, it is so satisfying to see it all come together and all you can do is smile and say, "Wow, that was grueling but worth it! Let's do it again!"
2. Power Down - I know it's hard, but at some point you have to draw a line in the sand when it comes to family time. When you come home, it's easy to get lost in a flurry of emails that come through after hours but resist the urge to answer them.
3. Family-Friendly Work Environment - Find one! The flexibility, benefits, perks and even office demographics should be strongly considered when accepting a position.
4. Constant Communication - Child care centers and schools have made advancements in electronic communication. Knowing that you have a good, open line of communication with your children's teacher/provider will ease some of the worry parents tend to experience during a work day.
5. Network of Support - This is extremely important. I wish I'd known then what I know now. Having family and friends close to share experiences with and in case of emergencies is a must.
6. Wine and Whine - No, seriously. Either one will work depending on the time of day and who's around :)
I would love to hear your thoughts on how you balance being a parent and working as a Meeting or Event Professional. Send me a tweet @Meeting_Pro, connect with me on Linked In or write your comments in the box below.
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